Why do I feel this way towards you? I want, so desperately, to have feelings for you, but they faded away so slowly during the past few months; I hardly realized that it was happening. I cannot, no matter how hard I try, bring myself back to the place of bliss I was in with you only two short months ago.
Funny how things change, huh? One minute I am smitten with you, the next, I feel as though I am trapped. I guess that is what being young is all about; we’re allowed to make up our minds thousands of times, be impulsive and spontaneous in our decisions. But this decision I have made, and I have to stick with it, for myself. You will always be amazing, but we lost our spark a while ago. I can’t keep going on like this, pretending that nothing is wrong with us.
I wrote this about you in January, and although my feelings for you have waned, I still believe that you came into my life for a reason:
“I don’t know how I got so lucky, but all I know is that there is definitely someone watching over me. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason; sometimes, life gets hard, but you have to keep pushing forward, because you may miss out on some of the most amazing experiences life has to offer. After all the shit I had been through, I was sure I was never going to find someone. Then you happened. I don’t know where this is going or when it’s going to end, but I do know that I will never be the same. You take your time with me. You have never pushed me to do anything at all, and that is one of the most incredible, frustrating things about you. But you keep me guessing, and that’s why I haven’t lost interest. Yet when we are together, there is not a doubt in my mind that we are exactly where we are supposed to be in that exact moment. You have given me hope in ways that you will never understand. When I am around you, I don’t need to be anything but myself. I can be weird or crazy or boring or relaxed, knowing full well that you will accept me for all of myself, not just the good parts. You give me an escape from my roller coaster of a life.”
I want to say thank you. For everything. And I’m sorry.
misss you too babygirll :( pleaseplease can i see you tomorrow?
I miss you all so much, and I love each and every one of you. I can’t wait for Thanksgiving :)
